Post by Gabriel Cade on Feb 16, 2011 4:07:40 GMT -5
urrrgggg
So I'm sitting here with immunity. F4, guaranteed. And... god it sucks. I knew I would end up in a terrible spot this round. Part of me wanted to throw the challenge, you know? Hope I end up sitting in the f4 against whoever ended up non-immune... but that wasnt a risk I was going to take. I hated that ultimatum... that hope-they-hate-you-less-and-pray-for-the-best situation... I didn't want to be vulnerable this round. Honestly, I just wanted that little bit of control over my own game. Win or lose, one of my little things that only sometimes comes into play is I very much like being in control. Not directing everyone, but understanding everyone and everything enough to sit in a comfortable backseat.
I made AS in a series with the moniker of "The Control Freak." That personality trait bubbled up to the surface there a little more than past games....
Anyway... I should have just thrown the damn thing... it's not worth it on a personal level...
First of all, Danielle flipped her shit when I told her I did better on the challenge than I was admitting when I was doing it... but I wanted to win and I didnt want to help her. I already do a lot for her and I dont really get the credit. I don't NEED credit, but I do feel rather underappreciated just propping up someone else's game. I like this game. I'm here to win. I'm not here to make Danielle look good, and I kinda want to win a few challenges.
So I got to deal with her freaking out for about an hour or so... about this game, about other games, about how she's no good, about how they're going to boot her, about how she's going to quit ORGs, about how she'll never beat X, Y, or Z and how she's just giving up because she'll never be any good. It... I miss confident Danielle. Without Katie in her confidence has crumbled. She's paranoid and nervous and worried and I'm getting to the paranoid point now myself. I don't really get paranoid often, and usually not much. TBH I only get there when I start to feel like I have a shot... but at the same time start to feel like I'm alone in the game or cant sit in my comfy back seat any more. I'm getting there here, but I'm using that to push myself harder in the immunities.
Anyway, Danielle is a friend, but she puts WAY too much of herself into the game, to the point where she starts forgetting where the game ends and her own self-worth begins. Its terrible for her, it's terrible for me to deal with... and thats not something I could ever knowingly make worse, no matter how much smarter it would be for me to boot her.
And for the record, I think I could give her a run for her money at finals.
And then, there's Boo....
He's the other one that vulernable this week... and I hate that it came between him and Danielle. They're both really the closest people to me in this game and they were for a while.
I really like Boo. A lot of people don't, but I do. I think he's hilarious, and I really like the way he thinks and the way he plays. He's bossy and panicky and paranoid, it's true, but he's also incredibly smart and a has a lot of integrity. He has fun too, which is yet another reason I like him. He's funny and obnoxious but a really nice guy.
He tends to make a lot of deals he doesnt mean, but I trust him. Hes loyal and all he ever wants is to make the end with the people he's with (then beat them). I really have nothing but respect for the way he plays, but unfortunately, I had other deals before I had him, and I have to stay loyal to them.
So... he's going this week.
I've honestly never been in a tight spot like this before, where no matter which person I take I'm fucked. I hate it. I have no clue what to do except stay loyal to my first deal, and keep Dani. But... that means I have to vote out someone who's enough of a friend for me to feel bad but no close enough that we have much outside the game. Which means... I'm pretty much losing a friend, because he's taking this to heart.
Why do people have to take games so damn personally? I mean, I do it to, to a much smaller extent, but I don't tie my self-worth into a game and I don't hold grudges (mostly). If I didn't have to worry about people's feeling I could make much more intelligent choices... but unfortunately I care about people who care too much about games.
So, anyway, Boo is pissed off at me because I told him straight up I'm voting him out and why. I don't think he's going to get over it....
In unrelated news, I'm very worried this will be a f3 I'll be out in the cold. I can see myself getting into a f3 FTC, but not a f2. Not unless I haul ass and go on an immunity run. If I did make finals I think I would have a decent shot. Maybe. I dunno. I'd love to rip Benry apart at FTC, and beyond that, win or lose I'm content.
Obviously I want to get to the end with Danielle. Thats been the goal for a while and it still is. I wish we could have had our Tiberius f4.... I would have been so content to just get there and go.
The way I've played this game has been inconsistent. I did a lot of UTR stuff and was sometimes a bit of a prick when I wasnt hiding in the shadows. I honestly only ver wanted to make the end and have fun along the way. Thats still a goal, I'm just starting to care about a potential win.
I dunno, lately I've had this... urge I guess, to stop being nice, to stop playing the "hero" and just do whatever the fuck I want and play completely for myself and screw everyone else. Every time I try it I end up not really having the heart for it. Theres too many people I like and not enough I hate.... and so I just end up being a very ineffective and wishy-washy villain. This is like the last hurrah for me though. I want to play like... me. I want to make promises and keep them. I want to be loyal, and I want to be liked. It's not working though. I'm probably not trying it again.
God I'm rambling like crazy. I do that sometimes. I just needed to vent and this confessional was sitting here and I decided to dust it off and use it for once. It's like.... 4 am and I'm tired and dont feel good, so thats why I'm so ramble-y today...
Plot Summary!
Gabe wins immunity but feels like shit about voting out friends who dont want to be friends any more! Gabe's probably going to have to win a few more immunities. Gabe isn't having a good day.
So I'm sitting here with immunity. F4, guaranteed. And... god it sucks. I knew I would end up in a terrible spot this round. Part of me wanted to throw the challenge, you know? Hope I end up sitting in the f4 against whoever ended up non-immune... but that wasnt a risk I was going to take. I hated that ultimatum... that hope-they-hate-you-less-and-pray-for-the-best situation... I didn't want to be vulnerable this round. Honestly, I just wanted that little bit of control over my own game. Win or lose, one of my little things that only sometimes comes into play is I very much like being in control. Not directing everyone, but understanding everyone and everything enough to sit in a comfortable backseat.
I made AS in a series with the moniker of "The Control Freak." That personality trait bubbled up to the surface there a little more than past games....
Anyway... I should have just thrown the damn thing... it's not worth it on a personal level...
First of all, Danielle flipped her shit when I told her I did better on the challenge than I was admitting when I was doing it... but I wanted to win and I didnt want to help her. I already do a lot for her and I dont really get the credit. I don't NEED credit, but I do feel rather underappreciated just propping up someone else's game. I like this game. I'm here to win. I'm not here to make Danielle look good, and I kinda want to win a few challenges.
So I got to deal with her freaking out for about an hour or so... about this game, about other games, about how she's no good, about how they're going to boot her, about how she's going to quit ORGs, about how she'll never beat X, Y, or Z and how she's just giving up because she'll never be any good. It... I miss confident Danielle. Without Katie in her confidence has crumbled. She's paranoid and nervous and worried and I'm getting to the paranoid point now myself. I don't really get paranoid often, and usually not much. TBH I only get there when I start to feel like I have a shot... but at the same time start to feel like I'm alone in the game or cant sit in my comfy back seat any more. I'm getting there here, but I'm using that to push myself harder in the immunities.
Anyway, Danielle is a friend, but she puts WAY too much of herself into the game, to the point where she starts forgetting where the game ends and her own self-worth begins. Its terrible for her, it's terrible for me to deal with... and thats not something I could ever knowingly make worse, no matter how much smarter it would be for me to boot her.
And for the record, I think I could give her a run for her money at finals.
And then, there's Boo....
He's the other one that vulernable this week... and I hate that it came between him and Danielle. They're both really the closest people to me in this game and they were for a while.
I really like Boo. A lot of people don't, but I do. I think he's hilarious, and I really like the way he thinks and the way he plays. He's bossy and panicky and paranoid, it's true, but he's also incredibly smart and a has a lot of integrity. He has fun too, which is yet another reason I like him. He's funny and obnoxious but a really nice guy.
He tends to make a lot of deals he doesnt mean, but I trust him. Hes loyal and all he ever wants is to make the end with the people he's with (then beat them). I really have nothing but respect for the way he plays, but unfortunately, I had other deals before I had him, and I have to stay loyal to them.
So... he's going this week.
babyxbearxboo (9:50:03 PM): Alright, how are you doing on the challenge?
gabielcade (9:50:14 PM): its over, results are up
babyxbearxboo (9:50:25 PM): Oh....shoot... -_-
babyxbearxboo (9:50:28 PM): I just got home....fml
gabielcade (9:50:35 PM): :-\
babyxbearxboo (9:51:44 PM): Oh well! I just6 wanted to make sure Earl didn't win!
babyxbearxboo (9:51:46 PM): Congrats man!
gabielcade (9:52:27 PM): thanks!
babyxbearxboo (9:52:58 PM): I wonder if Benry can/will use that one prize on Earl....unless it was up til final 5 which is what I think....
gabielcade (9:53:30 PM): I hope he doesnt
babyxbearxboo (9:54:13 PM): He did....
babyxbearxboo (9:54:16 PM): Just now.... -_-
gabielcade (9:54:23 PM): urggg :-\
babyxbearxboo (9:54:28 PM): So Danielle then?
gabielcade (9:54:39 PM): theres only 2 options
babyxbearxboo (9:54:57 PM): Unless you want to vote for me....
gabielcade (9:56:25 PM): I'll be honest... I promised Danielle I wouldnt vote for her a long time ago. Unfortunately... it was before I even realized you were playing
gabielcade (9:56:40 PM): I hate this
babyxbearxboo (9:57:34 PM): We found out right after the first challenge....You saw my screen name, you knew as soon as they posted that....you came to me!
gabielcade (9:57:47 PM): yeah I know
gabielcade (9:58:23 PM): I say your name there before the second IC
babyxbearxboo (9:58:34 PM): -_-
gabielcade (9:58:58 PM): I already had a deal with Danielle by then. I made it because I thought we were losing and I thought I'd be out first if that happened
gabielcade (9:59:43 PM): Danielle, Katie, Earl, me, a majority alliance for old Tiberius
babyxbearxboo (10:00:06 PM): I was with Dani from day 1...
gabielcade (10:00:07 PM): Earl obviously didnt stay with it
gabielcade (10:00:15 PM): really?
babyxbearxboo (10:00:18 PM): In that sense I was conjoined with it.
babyxbearxboo (10:00:31 PM): Yes, I've been talking with her and working with her since day 1...
gabielcade (10:01:16 PM): :-\
gabielcade (10:01:53 PM): I really dont want to vote you
gabielcade (10:02:46 PM): If it were up to me, we'd be in the finals together, you, me, danielle
gabielcade (10:03:03 PM): but unfortunately Benry had to be mr challenge whore
babyxbearxboo (10:05:06 PM): I know, but honestly who's better to go to final 3 with between me and her....
babyxbearxboo (10:05:19 PM): Benry already said he's voting me out....I NEED your vote....
babyxbearxboo (10:05:36 PM): We have a history....something Dani and you don't have....we've also worked the majority of this game together....
babyxbearxboo (10:05:53 PM): I know you and Dani have too, but I'd hope our relationship is a bit different....
gabielcade (10:08:10 PM): Danielle and I have history too. And if it'd been you vs Katie or anyone else in this game, I would keep you. But I promised Danielle I wouldnt vote for her
gabielcade (10:08:24 PM): and I honestly think if I do it would break her
babyxbearxboo (10:08:48 PM): She even said she wouldn't be mad...
babyxbearxboo (10:08:57 PM): She realizes the predicament you're in....
babyxbearxboo (10:09:08 PM): And what about me?
gabielcade (10:09:10 PM): I just put up with 2 hours of her thinking shes worthless because she might get 5th
babyxbearxboo (10:09:12 PM): It's not like I don't care!
gabielcade (10:09:21 PM): I know you care
babyxbearxboo (10:09:37 PM): I'm just saying, it can't be about who you'd feel worse voting them out!
babyxbearxboo (10:09:47 PM): It's the game!
babyxbearxboo (10:09:53 PM): You're basing this decision on feelings!
gabielcade (10:11:13 PM): trust me, if I was dealing with anyone else that wasnt Danielle, you would stay. I'm basing it on feelings because I know she'll take it personally for a very very long time
gabielcade (10:13:54 PM): Earl, Benry and Danielle are all voting for you
gabielcade (10:14:09 PM): even if I didnt, you would still be out
babyxbearxboo (10:14:17 PM): That's not true....
babyxbearxboo (10:14:26 PM): You think I haven't kept on good terms with Earl?
gabielcade (10:14:41 PM):
Earl 8:37 pm
(8:37:36 PM): I've been for voting Boo ever since this round started
babyxbearxboo (10:15:29 PM): And Benry's heavily thinking voting Danielle....
babyxbearxboo (10:15:37 PM): I just can't believe you'd turn on me like this!
babyxbearxboo (10:15:50 PM): Danielle may melt down, but she won't be pissed off at you like I'll be!
babyxbearxboo (10:15:58 PM): So I guess I'll get off!
gabielcade (10:16:40 PM): In seychelles, if it had been a f2 instead of a f3 and you won immunity, who would you have taken?
babyxbearxboo (10:17:08 PM): You because Sugar didn't do SHIT!
babyxbearxboo (10:17:13 PM): So glad you could call that one!
gabielcade (10:17:32 PM): you really would have taken me?
babyxbearxboo (10:17:41 PM): Yes, I completely promise you!
babyxbearxboo (10:17:53 PM): You deserved it more, and I talked with you a whole lot more!
babyxbearxboo (10:18:05 PM): Sugar never said a word to me except to find out the vote!
babyxbearxboo (10:18:17 PM): But I'm glad everyone's throwing these things in my face....
babyxbearxboo (10:18:29 PM): Glad people put feelings over a game of strategy and gameplay!
babyxbearxboo (10:18:34 PM): Good luck in finals then I guess....
gabielcade (10:18:38 PM): I'm not trying to throw anything in your face
babyxbearxboo (10:18:45 PM): Well you're doing an AWFUL job!
gabielcade (10:19:03 PM): Well I never said I was good at this kind of thing
gabielcade (10:19:17 PM): I knew I should have thrown the IC
gabielcade (10:19:31 PM): then I wouldnt have a choice
babyxbearxboo (10:20:00 PM): Well you're safe, congratulations....you get to sit back and choose who you want to go....
babyxbearxboo (10:20:08 PM): But you gave your word to her, you never bothered with me....
babyxbearxboo (10:20:13 PM): So I guess that settles it....
gabielcade (10:20:38 PM): listen, I hate that I have to vote you out, and you know I don't break my word
babyxbearxboo (10:21:19 PM): No, I don't know that....
babyxbearxboo (10:21:27 PM): But next time I'll remember to make you give me your word!
gabielcade (10:21:37 PM): :\
gabielcade (10:22:23 PM): If I had told you a long time ago that I was with Danielle to the end, what would you have done? Its not like I could have told you. That would be stupid
babyxbearxboo (10:23:30 PM): I would have voted you out when we got to the Tiberius end.
babyxbearxboo (10:23:36 PM): I wouldn't have tried anything tricky.
babyxbearxboo (10:23:42 PM): I think you REALLY misjudge me....
babyxbearxboo (10:24:34 PM): Obviously you don't trust me either so why would you not vote me out....
gabielcade (10:25:01 PM): I trust you about as much as I trust anyone
gabielcade (10:25:25 PM): urgg
gabielcade (10:25:47 PM): I think I sound like I'm misjudging you because I cant say anything right
gabielcade (10:26:43 PM): I trust you as much as ever do trust anyone
babyxbearxboo (10:26:55 PM): Well, I have other people to try and beg for their vote....since this isn't worth my time!
gabielcade (10:27:57 PM): if you want that I'll leave you alone...
babyxbearxboo (10:28:17 PM): Yeah, honestly I feel stabbed in the back!
babyxbearxboo (10:28:21 PM): And that's what I want....
babyxbearxboo (10:28:32 PM): If I make final 4 you better hope to win immunity....
gabielcade (10:28:51 PM): I didnt ever mean to stab you in the back
babyxbearxboo (10:30:48 PM): Weird how things work....
I've honestly never been in a tight spot like this before, where no matter which person I take I'm fucked. I hate it. I have no clue what to do except stay loyal to my first deal, and keep Dani. But... that means I have to vote out someone who's enough of a friend for me to feel bad but no close enough that we have much outside the game. Which means... I'm pretty much losing a friend, because he's taking this to heart.
Why do people have to take games so damn personally? I mean, I do it to, to a much smaller extent, but I don't tie my self-worth into a game and I don't hold grudges (mostly). If I didn't have to worry about people's feeling I could make much more intelligent choices... but unfortunately I care about people who care too much about games.
So, anyway, Boo is pissed off at me because I told him straight up I'm voting him out and why. I don't think he's going to get over it....
In unrelated news, I'm very worried this will be a f3 I'll be out in the cold. I can see myself getting into a f3 FTC, but not a f2. Not unless I haul ass and go on an immunity run. If I did make finals I think I would have a decent shot. Maybe. I dunno. I'd love to rip Benry apart at FTC, and beyond that, win or lose I'm content.
Obviously I want to get to the end with Danielle. Thats been the goal for a while and it still is. I wish we could have had our Tiberius f4.... I would have been so content to just get there and go.
The way I've played this game has been inconsistent. I did a lot of UTR stuff and was sometimes a bit of a prick when I wasnt hiding in the shadows. I honestly only ver wanted to make the end and have fun along the way. Thats still a goal, I'm just starting to care about a potential win.
I dunno, lately I've had this... urge I guess, to stop being nice, to stop playing the "hero" and just do whatever the fuck I want and play completely for myself and screw everyone else. Every time I try it I end up not really having the heart for it. Theres too many people I like and not enough I hate.... and so I just end up being a very ineffective and wishy-washy villain. This is like the last hurrah for me though. I want to play like... me. I want to make promises and keep them. I want to be loyal, and I want to be liked. It's not working though. I'm probably not trying it again.
God I'm rambling like crazy. I do that sometimes. I just needed to vent and this confessional was sitting here and I decided to dust it off and use it for once. It's like.... 4 am and I'm tired and dont feel good, so thats why I'm so ramble-y today...
Plot Summary!
Gabe wins immunity but feels like shit about voting out friends who dont want to be friends any more! Gabe's probably going to have to win a few more immunities. Gabe isn't having a good day.
